Worst Man's Ad

 I wanted to follow up to Worst Woman's Ad with an equally bad one for men.

The below is an example of a men's personal ad which should cause woman to run away. Not walk, run. Yet somehow...it feels like I could place this ad on Craigslist and it would fit right in. 



M4W -42 got game?

What’s up ladies? Jerry Bunderham here, looking to give you the time of your life. I’m a 42 year old, 5’ 6” wall of man looking to make the right woman feel like a queen.

Let me walk you through our first date:

First,  I pick you up at your place. You’ll know it’ll be my ‘92 Ford Fiesta pulling up when you see the bumper sticker that says “Coexist.”

Next,  we’ll go to Frankie Doodle’s diner  where I got a sweet hook up ‘cause I’m a part time fry-cook there. Ladies love a man that can cook. haha lol :-)

Usually I order the 32 oz steak. If I finish it, I’ll totally let you wear the T-shirt they’ll give me on the ride back to my place. No first date is complete without dessert and I always keep my freezer stocked with Ding Dongs. 

As we walk down the steps to my basement apartment, I’ll put my fingers to your lips, tenderly quieting our vibrant conversation. My nana lives upstairs and she's a light sleeper. 

For the next couple hours, prepare to be amazed. I don’t like to brag, but I’m one of the top ranked Call of Duty players in the nation. After you’ve seen me work my magic pwning noobs, we’ll unfold my futon and see if we can work any more magic. ;-)

In the morning you'll get to see my sensitive side while I read Hagar the Horrible to my nana as she whips us up some smiley face pancakes.

After breakfast I'll walk you a block to the bus stop where we'll part ways. You smile, close your eyes, and kiss me goodbye. You've just been Bunderhammered. You're welcome.

I’m looking for women 25-55. 420 friendly.

Sometimes, when I feel down, I look at personal ads and thank the Good Lord I’m not single. I’ve never dated during a time when online ads and phone-texting were a part of the formula and I don’t miss being single. I’d like to say this is an original piece by me, yet somehow I think it is really just a conglomeration of all the bad personal ads I’ve ever read by women.

Giving it a go- W4M 32


Let me start by saying if you’re not into overweight Asian-American women, then don’t bother. Go ahead and click the little x in the corner if you’re not interested. I don’t want any haters.

First of all let me say that I’m NOT looking for sex! If all you want is sex, then you’re looking in the wrong place mister. I prefer to take things slow and be treated like a lady.

As far as looks go I’m not perfect (5’ 2” 250lbs, but I’m working on it!), and I don’t expect you to be either, however I do want someone who takes care of himself. I have a thing with teeth. I need the man I’m dating to have great teeth! I love a good smile. And I don’t mean to be a hater, but I like my guys tall. Preferably over six feet, but I absolutely refuse to date anyone under 5’10”.

If you have any problem with kids, then you should stop reading right now because I have two boys that are the love of my life. I’m NOT looking for a baby daddy since both of my boys’ fathers are successful minor league baseball players with a very good chance at going pro. So my babies are taken care of.

Please, please, please don’t contact me unless you have a job. I’ve dated too many losers and have realized you can’t change them and they almost always end up being players or haters and I’m too old for that anymore.

As a busy, single mom, I need someone willing to cook and rub my feet after a long day (ohh I love foot rubs).  So if you want to buy me a cup of coffee sometime or go to a game, let me know. I WILL NOT reply unless you include a photo!

No haters.