Dear NSMAFC

After my friend Lawra Gosslin-Harris wrote a fake letter to target, I wanted to respond as Target's head of marketing.


From the desk of Jeffery J Jones II

June 18th, 2012


Dear normal sized middle aged female customer:

Thank you for reaching out to us, we appreciate and welcome feedback  from our all our customers, regardless of their station in life. As you’ve attested, Target is a welcoming environment willing to accommodate everyone from blue collar regular joes to executive level individuals such as myself; from nubile young hotties to washed up, burnt-out house marms. I like to think that Target has  something to offer every walk of life.

Please let me be clear, we at Target did  not mean to offend you in any way and if we sent the wrong signal, please accept our apology. With summer approaching, we typically run a two week ad campaign to sell our line of skimpy bikini tops as quickly as possible before the parents of teenage girls start a protest campaign. Rest assured, we still carry very modest one piece swimsuits, large beach towels to completely cover yourself, and don’t forget about our line of pants with elastic  waistbands.  If you’re one of the many Target customer who’ve let themselves go, don’t worry, we have something for you.

As much as I’d hate to lose you to another store, the fact of the matter is I’m not sure you could do that much better. Probably not. The only other option for you to have what we call the “bullseye experience” is at Walmart. If you think you don’t want to see Target customers in bikinis....well write me another letter after you spend an afternoon in Walmart. Target does lose part of its customer base from time to time to Walmart when our patrons want to feel better about themselves, but eventually they come back.

Ultimately what I want you to understand is that we at Target do not want you to leave us. We love you. It’s always been you. Sure sometimes we don’t show it, and yes, we’re not perfect. There are younger consumers with so much potential and such an energy about them.  You can’t blame us for looking can you? I’m not going to lie, they look good, but they would be very hard to keep up with when compared to our steady-as-she-goes consumers like you.

So, thank you again for your input, we’ll try to do better in the future. Please accept the enclosed coupon for two free pretzels, some Archer Farms ice cream,  and one copy of 50 Shades of Grey as our apology.

Sincerely,


Jeffery J Jones II
Target Corporation
Chief Marketing Officer