Untimely, unrequited

A long, long time ago I read in a MAD magazine the definitions of a nerd. One of them is “Always calls at the wrong time.” This piece stems from that and also these 3 things: the name “Charlie” from watching the 9th seasons of Friends, I recently ate a bunch of raw oysters, and I used to always drink water from the sink with a cupped hand.

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Tina’s cell rumbled against the Formica of the bathroom sink as she sat folded in half  sitting bottomless on the toilet with her arms crossed. It was early after a late night and her husband was snoring back in bed. Tina moaned and wiped some of the sweat off her brow.
“How many shots....,” she vaguely thought.

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“What did I eat? Clams, oysters, shrimp,” she recalled. “Did I, did I have any of the sirloin?” Tina  struggled to think. Hoping to take her mind off her headache and the runs, Tina tended to her rumbling cell phone. She pressed UNLOCK, thumbed in her husband’s name SHANE for the password. Two texts popped up from a lover she’d named Charlie in her phone. He was in town and wanted to know if she was free.


Knock, Knock
“You all right hun?” Shane asked--rumbly, sleepy.
“Yeah I’m fine,” Tina replied--pained, guilty. She heard him stagger to the kitchen sink and slurp water from his cupped hand. It was a sound she hated in a way that she’d miss if he were to ever die.
Swiftly, Tina deleted all the texts from Charlie.
“Uggh,” she thought as another wave of nausea swept over her, “I’m glad I didn’t leave my cell on the nightstand.”