Mario on the Couch

I have to imagine the concepts in this sketch have been covered or made up before. It all just seems so obvious. I thought of this shortly after my son's discovered Mario and his world of mushrooms and mouthless stars.

Also I recently watched Goodwill Hunting.

Okay. Here we go!

Psychiatrist’s office.

Red couch with a chair next to it sit empty. On the door reads Dr. Eggman, Psych.
Dr. Eggman walks in with Mario behind him, takes a seat and and points to the couch.

Dr. Eggman: Take a seat.

Mario: A Thanka’ you.

Dr. Eggman: Go ahead and begin.

Mario: Wella’ first off, lemmee say: a’ Mario really appreeciate a’you come een special for heem.  

Dr. Eggman: It’s no problem, I know you’re busy and I have time.

Mario: Si, Mario’s gotta lotta irons in the fire.

Dr. Eggman takes out  a notepad.

Mario: Well. Here we go. I gotta to getta  alotta offa my chest. You see, I’m a very busy and Mario don’t have the energy I used to. I’ve been ‘a doin’ the same ‘a routine for 25 years. Now don’t ‘a get me wrong--I love to be the hero, but I’m ‘a getting irritated.

Dr. Eggman: What’s irritating you? Some things are out of your control.

Mario: I know, I know, and this isa outta my control. (deep breath) It’s the princess. Now I don’t wanta to blame the veectim, but after so many time, I feel she is want to be abducted. (defensive) I don’t ‘a want to excuse The Bowser, but it is no secret he has ‘a bad inteeeentions and isa not right in his head. I’ma nota sure if he was a born that way or ifa he was touched under his shell when he was a little Koopa, but I’a feel sorry for him. He’s a not okay in his ‘a head. I tella the princess to not ‘a answer when he call, but she still meet him. I gotta the call awaiting for her, but she still pick up ‘a da phone. After a while, I want to just see what The Bowser would a do to her if I just sat at ‘a home.

Dr. Eggman: So do you feel obligated to rescue the Princess?

Mario: Si’ every a’ time she call, I feel I a’ gotta rescue her.


Dr. Eggman: Why is it your responsibility to rescue her?

Mario: Well...The princess, she’s ‘a been very good to Mario and Luigi. (Mario looks at Dr.  Eggman and makes eye contact) She is the only one who know our secret.

(Dr. Eggman raises his eyebrows)

You see--We are not brothers.

Dr. Eggman: No?

Mario: No. We--We are lovers. I have ‘a desire thata burns for Luigi which is a hotter than a any fireball I spit outta my nose. He is the sun, the moon, and the flag at the end of my level. Our love is a one deeper thana any a short-cut pipe. I would give up a hundred coins for the heem.

Dr. Eggman: I don’t think that’s as big of a secret as you think Mario. If you don’t save the Princess and she tells your secret, you may lose some of your following, but think of the freedom you’ll gain.

Mario: Si.

Dr. Eggman: Well Mario, we can’t control the behaviors of others. All we can control is our own little world and you must understand that the Princess is going to eventually have to take responsibility for her own actions. You’re not at fault for her irresponsibility.

Mario: Si.

Dr. Eggman: You hear me Mario? It’s not your fault.

Mario: Si (nods. they both stand) Si.

Dr. Eggman: Mario, it’s not your fault.

Mario: Si. Mario know. (Begins to cry)

Dr. Eggman: It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. (Dr. Eggman repeats until Mario breaks down crying)

END